Miles driven: 356 miles
Time in Car: 7 hours
Borders crossed: 1
It had been going in for what seemed like hours. We were exhausted, but it felt like we really didn’t have a choice in the matter. We had left that luxury back in Baku. This was Turkmenistan after all. Outside of North Korea, the country is probably the most secretive and isolated place in earth. Things are different here. And so, with arms getting tired, we smiled and waved back to what seemed like the millionth car filled of curious, excited Turkmen. In a city composed of beautiful, sculpture-like marble buildings and filled with white, sparkling clean cars, Stevie stood out. In a country that only lets in a handful of visitors a year, we stood out (only 5000 visas are provisioned each year). The Turkmen people were genuinely thrilled to see us. Drivers would come up to us, match speeds and smile and wave to us. Even the border guards and the police seemed excited to meet Americans.
Thursday. August 8th. Around 11 am. It had been nearly twelve hours since we got off the boat. We had spent nine of those hours waiting for Tanner and the other drivers. The port was glistening white, filled with immaculately polished marble, reminding us of the inside of some battle station from Star Wars. Unfortunately for the building clearly designed to impress new arrivals, the extreme inefficiency of the border crossing caused the novelty to wear off shortly. The waiting room was an ice box. Miserably cold. The vast majority of the few chairs it contained were taken by Turkmen. We could sit against the wall, but we’re forbidden to lay down. If we drifted off to sleep, we would be promptly awoken. We had no contact with Tanner and the other drivers. We had no clue what was going on or how on earth they could keep a building at such a low temperature. We stared at a giant tv, showing us some propaganda video that highlighted the music of the country. There was no sound. We watched a handful of people continuously mopping the floor over and over again. We waited. Finally, the first wave of drivers came. Pure elation. We went outside into the warmth (previously we would be frantically ushered back inside whenever we tried). Spirits high, we saw the cars trickle in. No Tanner. The ushered us back into the frosty, ninth ring of hell to wait some more. The second wave came, no Tanner. Finally the third wave came. Again no Tanner. This time however, the police and the workers seemed to think that all of the cars had come. After a few chaotic moments of trying to argue with them, we were shoved into another teams van and forced to drive off. In the one country where we didn’t have cell phone service, this was problematic. Luckily, Tanner was waiting at some roundabout a few minutes away. Some confused cop had apparently prevented him from joining in the convoy. We switched drivers, and we were on our way to Ashgabat.
Unlike Azerbaijan, the Turkmen desert was fairly pretty. The landscape changed from mountains, to sand dunes, to salt lakes and back again. The wide highways were deserted except for the occasional truck, the rare car, or the numerous (and rather fearless) camels. We made good time and made our way to the white city.
Ashgabat is beautiful. It is one of the most impressive cities any of us had ever been too. Grandiose marble building after marble building. Everything was accented by gold. Even the sidewalks were granite. The landscaping across the entire city was expertly manicured. It’s breathtaking. It’s an oasis in the middle of the desert. It’s a paradise. It’s the result of an extremely corrupt government/dictatorship having access to some of the largest gas and oil reserves in the world. As beautiful as the city was, we were constantly reminded of just how unnatural it was. There were cameras and police everywhere. There were screens showing videos of the city at night. Guards were in front of every building protecting it, seemingly, but from whom? There were massive, Putin-esque portraits of the current president everywhere, and gold statues of the previous president. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were paid people just to drive cars around the city making the streets appear “busy”. There was an 11:00 pm curfew. The only people walking in the sidewalks were street cleaners and landscapers. The beautiful parks were also empty. No graffiti, no litter, just marble.
Buildings in Ashgabat. The gardens were perfect and also empty.
The Monument of Neutrality - or a spaceship with a golden statue of the former dictator atop that rotates throughout the day to always be basking in the sunlight. Little known fact, that same dictator banned gold teeth but was ok with gold statues of himself.
At the time of writing this post, we currently lack internet so are unable to supplement this with any additional information. To put things into perspective, it may be useful to google the Turkmenistan government and read about the previous president. For example, he renamed days of the week after family members and pets...the level of control the government has is astounding. Ashgabat is the result of his control and the egos of the rulers. And yet the people were colorful and lively. And friendly. While you’re at it, also look up the current president (who is NOT dead). He’s an expert marksman, avid cyclist, nature enthusiast, and a brilliant scientist, allegedly.
Olympic Village complete with the mascot
We checked into The Grand Turkmen (rumored to have been a Ritz before the government took it over) and then took a cab to explore the city and check out some monuments. We grabbed some food and called it an early night. After sleeping in the next day and a quick breakfast, we drove around the city a bit. We drove around the Independence Park which had stunning monuments and amazing gardens and no visitors. It also seemed to lack an entrance so all we could do was marvel beyond the fence as we drove around it. Next we drove past the Olympic Village. For the sports buffs out there, Turkmenistan hosted the Olympics not once and are not scheduled to host it in the near future. Still, it hasn’t stopped them from constructing an immaculate sports complex complete with a monorail to navigate the Olympic sites. It even had the Olympic Rings plastered on the buildings but just ever so slightly off center so that the IOC wouldn’t sue them for copyright infringement. Lastly, we checked out the Palace of Marriage. It was gigantic building with a gigantic globe hoisted in the middle with the outline of Turkmenistan on it. Apparently, all weddings are legally registered here. The building also serves as a huge wedding reception building. However, if you do get hitched here, it is mandatory that the couple take a photo with a giant portrait of the Turkmen president. How charming. Next we head into the desert and sand dunes to find the famous gates of hell. -FWY
The Marriage Palace
